humor

The tin-ear of analytic theology

/ J. B. Aitken / 2 Comments

I’ve mentioned before that analytic theologians are usually on safer grounds confessionally than continental theologians.  Not that the former is superior in and of itself.  Just that these guys don’t as easily embrace the culture of the world.

But there is a drawback.  Excluding Plantinga and the like, few of these guys are able to have a conversation.  Here is how it goes:

Me:  Question 1

Analytic Theologian: logicalproof1

Me: Question 2

AT: logicalproof2

And honorable mention:

Math-Generalized-Bayes-Theorem

You might be a gnostic, if…

/ J. B. Aitken / 3 Comments

Somebody made up a joke like this ten years.  I decided to give it my own spin.  I’ve tried to make it funny and not just mean-spirited.

  1. You might be a gnostic if…you think demons only exist in the Bible and not in real life.
  2. You might be a gnostic if…someone quotes Isaiah without citing it and you accuse them of carnal eschatology.
  3. You might be a gnostic if…you think that connecting bodily habits with spiritual disciplines denies the gospel.
  4. You might be a gnostic if…you think liturgy denies the gospel, even though the Holy Spirit uses that word in Acts 13.
  5. You might be a gnostic if…you deny the free offer of the gospel.
  6. You might be a gnostic if…you are a hyper-Calvinist.
  7. You might be a gnostic if…you don’t realize (5) and (6) are the same thing.
  8. You might be a gnostic if…you have the same view of angels as Immanuel Kant but you know your presbytery will never call you on it.
  9. You might be a gnostic if…when I ask that singing the doxology literally invokes angels in worship but you respond by saying, “That’s just words.  We don’t really mean it.”
  10. That means you are also a nominalist.
  11. You might be a gnostic if…you confuse the intermediate state, which is necessarily dis-embodied and rightly in the presence of God, with the eternal state which is resurrected and drinking wine on Yahweh’s mountain.